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Blog Post 9

Hi again! It’s me. And welcome back to what will be our 9thedition to something that usedto be an extremely sad, lonely and forgotten blog at one point in the past. It’s crazy to think It’s been 9 months since I first started writing these little blog posts, and as I read back on each new edition it’s amazing to see just how far I have come over the span of those 9 months. So much can happen in such a short period of time, that’s for certain! I hope my readers had a delightful Easter, (Soaring high over the recommended calorie intake for a grown adult) and have enjoyed the past few days basking in the sunlight. Me and that big yellow dork in the sky haven’t always been on good terms, but even I will admit, it’s nice to see a bit of sun over rain for a change.

I’m sure you are all just dying to know what I’ve been doing this past month since my announcement in the previous issue. I have been working hard to get a highly impressive, perfectly structured and annotated portfolio together in a bid to impress the college I plan to attend in September. I don’t think I have ever felt stress like this before in my entire life, and as of recent the sheer thought of not doing well and failing to impress has been eating me alive like a deadly parasite. It’s safe to say that a normal sleep pattern is non-existent for me at this moment, as I spend most nights awake riddled with worry and slaving over my drawing tablet, effortlessly trying to pump out pieces to satisfy my intense appetite and drive to be better than everyone else applying for a place on the course. It’s times like this where the perfectionist in me really comes out, and the thought of handing in something that doesn’t meet my insane and unrealistic expectations is a horrifying thought. I want to stand out, and I want to be someone that they will remember! It’s almost as if I’m forgetting the whole reason I’m going there to begin with…

But even so, despite my rampant anxiety and the highly notable insecurities I now combat daily, the support I have received from those around me is indescribable, and is quite frankly the only thing causing me to triumph through these difficult times. I have never been one to shy away from comparing myself to those around me, and despite posting a new piece of art almost every week on my facebook page and getting masses of positive feedback, I will still doubt my abilities as an artist, and whether or not I will ever be good enough to achieve my one true dream, because ‘there is always someone better’. I am positive this worry I feel will vanish once the time comes for my interview to take place, and I am almost certain I will secure a spot, but despite every bit of progress I have made relapses are still going to happen, and are completely normal. I will be okay in the end. I still have a lot of time!

Away from college, I have so many exciting plans coming up in the next few months that I simply cannot wait for any longer. For starters, on June 20thI will be staying in London on my own, for the first time ever, to meet one of my dearest friends who is coming down from her home country of Finland to spend some time with me! It’s been 3 years since we last saw each other, and I cannot wait to see her again, and for her to see how much progress I have made physically and mentally. I have changed so much since the last time we saw eachother! (I am no longer bald for a start and actually have hair again!) I may only be staying for one night, but this will be one of the biggest achievements I have ever made as an autistic individual that really struggles to stay away from home. It is something I have struggled with ever since I was younger, but there are so many places I want to visit in the world that I won’t let this problem stop me from doing any longer. Once I manage this, I will be able to do it again, and that thought is amazing. Maybe one day I will be able to visit her in Finland!

Aside from going to stay with my friend, I will also be attending a convention centred entirely around Japanese Culture in early July, with two of my other really close friends as well! This will be my first time attending this particular convention, and I could not be more excited if I tried. I have wanted to go for so many years, but have never managed to make time for it. I am always up for trying new things and travelling to new places, so this is going to be a boat load of fun! It’s been a really long time since I have had this much to look forward to.

Before I sign off for another month, I will give one final update on my weight loss. As of typing, I have lost exactly 2st and 1lb since my post from January. I am simply amazed at how long I have managed to stick to my diet and exercise plan, and I couldn’t be happier with my results so far. I can’t believe I am already half way into my goal, and we are only four months into the year. I can’t wait to see what I look like come December! I already feel so much more confident in myself, and that feels great.

Thank you all for reading about my goofy old self once again. I truly appreciate all the support and love, and I look forward to the next post!

- Shannon 😊

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