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Blog post 10

Greetings to my adoring fans! It’s good to see you all again, and welcome back to what could quite easily be considered one of the most special blog posts, if not the MOST special blog post, I have written so far. So many exciting things have occurred since my previous issue, and It couldn’t have been more ideal or perfect given that we have now reached the highly anticipated 10 blog milestone! What an incredible journey it has been so far, and I know I say this more than enough, but I still struggle to fathom just how much I have achieved in such a short period of time. 10 months seems like a lot on paper, but it has flown by so quickly. It seems like only yesterday I was sat snug in my bedsheets hiding from the world around me, and to look at where I am now is just insane. To feel a hint of excitement for my future is a sensation I never thought I would ever experience. I had spent so many years of my life in fear of the unknown, and pleading that time would halt so I could remain in a place of comfort forever, but now, I look forward to every new twist and turn I face, and where the road will take me.

Thank you all for coming on this journey with me so far, and watching me blossom with every new post and every new challenge I face. I look forward to an eventual 20 post milestone, and where I will be then, and what I will be doing once that time comes!

This year, May is the month I had been dreading more than any other for one reason, and one reason only. My interview for college was finally due to take place, on Monday 20th. I was terrified. I had spent months prior scrambling together every drawing I could possibly find, and slumped tiredly over my Wacom tablet spewing out new pieces by the dozen, and now the time to discover if all of my effort had been for nothing had finally arrived. The night prior to my interview I couldn’t sleep at all, and spent every waking second tossing around in my bed, trying effortlessly to ease my mind of any worry or upset that dawned, and it was not easy. Every possible negative outcome to my interview was all I could think about. “They won’t accept me” was a sentence so often repeated in my head that night that even typing it now makes me scoff. It’s easy to say I had not felt anxiety that intense for a really long time. I wanted this so bad, and the possibility of walking away with the answer I dreaded the most was a heart-breaking and terrifying thought. But there was nothing I could do.

Hours came before my interview, and I found I was nothing more than a fragile potato of excessive loathing, self-doubt, and rampant anxiety. It may come as no surprise to some that the ‘melt-tornado’, as I like to call it, was quick to wreak havoc upon my household. Many pairs of hair curlers were smashed into oblivion that day, my desk received a few more scuffs then before, and I was a mess. Every single negative thought I faced, combined together as one to take me down. I sobbed and I sobbed, and it seemed as if nothing could stop me. I was so close to giving up, and calling it quits on the whole situation. Maybe I wasn’t right for college after all, and this had been nothing more than a stupid desire I was never destined to fulfil.

Haha, as if.

Yes indeed, I had a pretty severe meltdown. And given the lack of sleep I was already struggling to conquer; I was in a rather bad state overall. But if there’s one thing that I am known for amongst my family and friends, it’s that I will do everything in my power to get what I want, and any one or anything foolish enough to try and stop me will perish. I was going to that interview, and I was getting into that college, even if it meant going with no makeup on, no eyebrows, red puffy eyes, and my hair flatter than a British pancake, I was going.

We finally arrived at the college, and while I did remain a shy, timid, and slightly nervous mess through and through, I was a lot calmer in my head then I thought I would be. I was honestly preparing for the melt-tornado to turn up once again, but to look outside and see a clear sky was rather exciting, and definitely unexpected. I remained cool and calm whilst I waited to be called through, and once I was, I truly realised that there was no going back.

The interview took place in a room with a few other people wanting to apply for the same course as me. I slumped across to the station I was allocated to with my books in hand, and took a huge breath of air before the interview started. To my surprise, the interviewing process was actually not that bad! Just a few simple questions and a quick flip through my portfolio, nothing major. It seemed as if everything was going okay, but I still dreaded what the outcome would be. And at this point, hiding my emotions became a lot more challenging than I had hoped for.

While all seemed lost, and I was ready to pack up my things and leave with my tail between my legs and my tear-ducts officially broken, I was asked a question that I never would have expected to be asked upon going into this interview, in a million years. I was completely thrown off guard, and I couldn’t believe or even comprehend what I was being asked.

“We would like to offer you a place on the Level 3 Animation and Illustration course”.

At this point, I truly thought I was being toyed with or that there had simply been a mix up. I went into this interview having applied for Level 2 Art and Design, and I would have never expected to be asked to do a higher-level course instead. I was gobsmacked, but I accepted the offer with very little hesitation, and I had not felt such excitement or pride in a very long time. At this moment, I could not contain my emotions any longer, and I wept like the biggest baby on the planet. I had wasted so much time and energy worrying about the outcome of this interview, and whether or not the college I had my heart set on would even want me there to begin with, only for them to turn around and ask me to do a higher-level course. Even though days have passed, I am still in the biggest state of shock imaginable, and I still wonder if I’ll wake up from a dream and this would have even happened. The pride I feel at the moment is indescribable, and I am so proud of myself for battling through my insecurities, refusing to let a severe meltdown hold me back, and for getting on with things and achieving my goal.

My life as a college student starts officially around the beginning of September, with a trial day taking place beforehand on July 2nd, which I will be attending in hopes of getting used to my surroundings and getting a proper taster of what college life is really like. This is crazy, and I cannot wait to inform you all of how things are going, and how I will be spending these next few months preparing for this new and exciting chapter in my life. Thank you all so much for reading, and I look forward to next month’s addition.

Peace,

Shannon😊

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